What I'ma 'bout

Just got back from my first run in a long, long time. For the last six or seven years, each time I run I can scarcely walk for about a week afterwards. I've always chalked it up to age, getting fat and generally being in a similar physical condition to Jabba the Hutt. It's been really depressing because I absolutely love to run. I've never been a particularly good runner, but there's something about it that reminds me of me. I think it's the solitude, physical effort, the music and the sense that for once in my day I'm truly in the moment, not worrying about the kids, sex, lack of sex, work, money, etc. Plus, it fucking hurts, which I don't mind.

I started running in eighth grade after I got tired of being the fat kid. I don't know that I really minded being a chubby kid, but I really wanted to be able to handle my business with the ladies. Being a thoroughly unconfident kid, there was no way I had the moxy to get through the terror of approaching a girl, nor was little bookworm nerdboy going to be able to convince some chick to take her clothes off 'cause I was just so cool. It was going to take something transformative to become a chick magnet and the first step was losing weight. That meant working out and mostly it meant tubby had to put in some serious road work. Those of you that know me, understand that this is probably the first in a long series of life decisions that began with the idea that it would help me with the opposite sex.

At any rate, I quickly found that I loved running. Again, I'm not a particularly athletic guy, nor am I anything near agile. On my best day I can pass for coordinated, but even back in the Summer before 9th grade, I knew I could run.

Actually, I'm such a non-athlete that I can remember almost every detail of my top athletic accomplishments. I remember one Sunday in the park probably in '85. We were playing basketball on the park on Avenue H near Commanche street in good ol' Dodge City. I think it was me, Bubbles, maybe my li'l bro, and a bunch of East Side kids. I can't dribble a lick, but there was one play where I took a guy off the dribble from the wing, drove into lane from he right, elevated and executed the perfect Vinnie Johnson up an under move to score. I didn't even like the Pistons, but that move was a perfect Microwave impersonation.

The weekend of my wedding, I was playing in the Heskett Center at Wichita State and yes, it was another fast break that I was trying to lead. I got picked up at the top of the key; went airborne; showed the ball (to my li'l bro's friend Dominic, I think); tucked it back to avoid the block attempt; stretched out again and did the perfect Magic Johnson finger roll. Actually, it was a George Gervin finger roll, but the full extension and ball handling were all Magic.

There are a couple more examples of my awesome basketball skills, such as the between the legs, look-away assist at Sedgwick County, the time my team ran the court for about an hour at Linwood Park (serious games being played there) and the time I blocked Barry Sanders' shit at the Heskett, but that's about it. Literally, that's about it for athletic achievement. Not much to talk about (ironic, I know), but the point is, that most times I've run I've felt something like each of those times. Usually, it's because at every so often in a run I'm able to achieve the perfect synthesis of exertion, exhaustion and that little bit of adrenaline you get when the perfect part of a song plays. Being tired as hell then being able to push past it while listening to the intro to Faint by Link Park is sublime perfection.

To me running is like telling a woman you love her for the first time, inadvertently, though you mean it. It's writing the perfect SQL query, that nobody else will ever know about. It's lusts first kiss. Running is the ending to The Usual Suspects the first time you see that movie. It's watching your kids be polite in public, even though they're often little shits at home. It's like making love to the right woman. Running can be as good as the last week of your two weeks notice at a job you hate. It's just really, really good.

Anyway, I got to run again, because I went to the doctor and got some orthopedic inserts and it felt great. We'll see what tomorrow brings, but in the meantime, I got to run.

Soundtrack for tonight's run:
Aly & AJ - Chemicals React (Gay)
Cascada - Evacuate the Dancefloor (Gay)
Cause and Effect - You Think You Know Her
DMX - X Gon' Give It To Ya
Dropkick Murphy's - State of Massachusetts
Franz Ferdinand - Michael (Go Home Productions Remix)
Gorillaz - Feel Good Inc.
Grand Duchy - Strange Days
The Hold Steady - Stay Positive
The Rifles - The Great Escape
Kanye West - Stronger
Clint Mansell - Lux Aterna
Zombina and the Skeletones - The Count of Five

So there